Out of control boy racers claim life of young mother of twelve.

Tuesday January 1, 2008
Two out of control boy racers are on the run, Locals and Police who are getting fed up.
Dramatic speed camera photo reveals Ms Chitlan didn’t stand a chance.

Two men of Hazzard County, Luke and Beau Duke have escaped police custody today for the fourth time. Both men are wanted on charges for the manslaughter of Laura-Jean Chitlan aged 24 in an horrific auto accident involving the Duke boys 1969 Dodge known to locals as the General Lee. Eye witnesses say “The General was high tailin’ from police in hot pursuit” when things went horribly wrong. In an attempt to jump a freight train, the Duke boys crushed Chitlans SUV on a blind corner killing her instantly. Sheriff Roscoe Coltrane says the police have been doing everything they can to get these boy racers off the streets for a number of years now, and it was only a matter of time before tragedy struck. Commissioner J.D. Hogg says the police have faced much local criticism for their incompetence in keeping the roads of Hazzard safe from the out of control Duke boys. Hogg adds “The Drive Carefully campaign on my billboards just isn’t getting through to these dumb ass hicks, by golly.”

Safety lobbyists are calling for government and USA car makers to produce smaller less powerful cars, and moms should consider walking their kids to school rather than driving them everywhere in SUV’s. Meanwhile expert car collectors say, this is a very unfortunate accident and ‘A tragic waste to see classic cars like the General being trashed like this.’

Local residents of Hazzard say they have had about enough of boy racers tearing up their quiet town. “They drive up and down the town with their noisy exhaust and loud Dixie music booming, and we’ve had enough!”

Ms Chitlin is survived by her twelve children and seven ex- husbands/cousins.