Fuel crisis hits apocalyptic levels in Australian outback.

Saturday February 2, 2008
Authorities warning holiday makers to stay away from the Woollygongooly highway where rebel gangs are terrorising motorists for gasoline.
A spike wielding rebel terrorising innocent motorists on highway 47.

Authorities are warning holiday makers to stay away from the Woollygongooly highway this summer following reports of rebel gangs terrorising motorists for gasoline. Tom Thuley of Gangooley reports.

Bernard Washbone of the MFP traffic police is warning motorists in the Australian outback to avoid highway 47 to Woollygongooly these summer holidays.

“We have had a number of complaints regarding the unlawful actions of rebel highway gangs operating in the area, some serious.” Washbone says, “These thugs will stop at nothing to hijack innocent motorists of their precious fuel, and the situation has gotten out of hand.”

The latest report was when Smiley Rushton, a truck driver from Coopers Crossing, went missing 4 days ago. Police later found Rushton’s vehicle abandoned on the highway and his tractor unit gone. Authorities say there is a Hippie commune several miles up the highway who think the world is ending, and are believed to have a fuel tanker protected there. The religious cult are rumoured to believe “The new messiah will come to rescue them from the wasteland in a big ol’ truck or some bullshit,” Washbone told The Other News.

Meanwhile police are holding off on a planned siege as the situation there is still volatile.

“Sure the gas prices are ridiculous, but these rebels still wanna drive around in their big unregistered V8 shit boxes, some fitted with nitrous oxide and fuel injection. Where the hell does someone get nitrous oxide way the hell out here?” Washbone said.

We rule the wasteland!

Locals say the problem started a few months back when a group of hoodlums held an 80’s desert rave party one weekend and never went home.

Authorities are warning motorists to avoid highway 47, or if so, to carry a shotgun or big sharp metal object on a chain in case of attack. And to consider having their vehicle fitted with an exploding fuel tank booby trap just in case.

“Better still”, Wasbone says, “Throw the kids in the Holden and head up north to Karumba Bay. The barramundi’s biting something beaut’ there at the mo.”