Doomsday Cult takes over Jericho in Kansas.

Tuesday March 4, 2008
Jericho is under marshal law and communications have been lost since the chicken factory explosion.
Industrial Explosion
Dramatic industrial explosion on highway 61. Photo taken by passing truck driver moments before contact was lost with the Jericho.

The small town of Jericho, Kansas has been taken over by a what appears to be a doomsday cult. Millard Korskey of Saccorskie reports.

Chicken farmer Lenny Yokham of Chitzburg county says the entire town of Jericho has completely cut itself off from the world, and is now operating under marshal law. Yokham told The Other News, “Seemed to all go a bit crazy around here a few weeks back when the Alco Chicken factory exploded 25 miles up the road.”

Alco officials say the explosion was an act of sabotage carried out by animal rights activists which has left 3 people dead and dozens of Mexican workers unemployed.

An eye witness in Jericho said they saw the explosion over the horizon, then all communications went dead. Now Jericho believe America is under attack from the Russians and refuse to come out.

Jake Green
Cult member: Jake Green. Residents say trouble started the moment he arrived back in town.

Reports say the explosion took out the only phone line and dial up internet connection into Jericho. The town’s cell communications store, Judds Cell Phone & Tyre Centre, was replaced by a Pancake House 2 years ago, so no one there owns a cell phone making contact with Jericho impossible.

The National Guard say the people in Jericho are not co-operating at all, they are fully armed and have blocked the only road and bridge into town, and are believed to be holding a nearby salt mine to ransom. Salt mine?? “That’s what we said too.”

Lt. Norm Brubaker of the National Guard said, “I think we should just go in there and smoke ‘em out. Have us a little fun!” However authorities say there are women and children there, and they don’t want to risk the situation becoming another Waco.

Emily Sullivan
Emily Sullivan: Gas station attendant and dancer. Voted America’s most popular person to be stuck in a fallout shelter with.

Kenny Eftie of the US Army says, “We got some old surplus dried Chinese noodles and crates n’ stuff so we’re planning an air drop in the area sometime before the expiry dates run out. By then they’ll be gettin’ sick of eating stale grain and left over chicken necks.”

Banarama rumoured to be reforming for a one only Jericho Relief Concert including Billy Joel, Creed, and The black and white minstrels.

Congress says that, after that little embarrassing incident in New Orleans, they will be doing everything they can to make sure the people in Jericho are looked after. Items such as bottled water, Tabasco buffalo wings, blankets, Survivor dvd’s and Coors Light will also be air dropped sometime in the next few weeks.

Congress also say that “Fortunately for Jericho this is America, and they have plenty of gasoline and semi automatics to get them through the next winter.”

There is also talk of Sir Bob Geldof and Sting planning a Jericho relief concert at a bar in Soho which includes a bunch of wack bands, promising a good night to catch Coronation Street.