Apple release revolutionary vacuum cleaner.

Thursday May 1, 2008
The game-changing new vacuum cleaner from Apple Inc
Steve Jobs demonstrates Apple's new assault on clean design, moments before fans began camping outside KMart's all over America awaiting its release.

Apple have wowed it's loyal customers again with it's latest unveiling. Cedric Patsy reports.

Apple today released a new product in a departure from their current line up, a new vacuum cleaner called the iSuck. “This product will change the way you vacuum and revolutionise the entire cleaning industry changing our perception of how clean a carpet is entirely. It will blow your mind!” Said CEO of Apple, Steve Jobs at an impromptu Mac World Keynote. The cleaner itself is made of anodised aluminium with a small glass screen. “This is a turning point, you can schedule your cleaning on here and sync it to iCal.” said Jobs. The cleaner also comes with a reflective dock, expected to be a strong selling point. “Under the hood we have paid great attention to this baby. It features not 1, but 2 1500W motors, and new patented sucking technology that my engineers have been working on day and night for the last 6 months to deliver the suction that you’d expect from an Apple product. So yes, this baby does suck hard!” Jobs continued. The new suction technology is said to have been formulated because Steve Jobs does not like fans, (as exhibited in his iMac range, the first series of which was said to be prone to overheating) which happen to be a crucial part in existing vacuum cleaners.

Apple's new Vaccuum cleaner

When he demonstrated the cleaner it was very quiet, onlookers speculate that this is what current manufactures will now struggle to catch up with. The business model for the iSuck is untested, people who purchase one are also buying into an exclusive contract for cleaning products and vacuum bags with a cleaning product giant. “This will be very interesting” said Fred Waldo of Mac Today, “Being tied into a cleaning product contract is not something most people would want to do, but to get their hands on one of the new iSuck’s, they may just forgo that freedom.”

Jobs was not finished however, “There is one other thing” he teased the audience. “The iSuck can download iTunes and Ben Stiller movies!” He was met with rapturous applause.

Apple say vacuum cleaner salesmen like this will be a thing of the past. They will now wear trendy black polar necks and architects glasses.

iLife features:
The iSuck is a must for all iTards living in overpriced zen apartments with reflective floors and stark white walls.

Sharp packaging:
The packaging excludes hard sell star bursts and devoid of any annoying bullet point product features and discount slashes.

Simplicity by design:
iSuck includes a single click on/off button with minimalist ‘Made in Taiwan’ typography set in raised charcoal grey myriad regular.

Disclaimer: Apple promises the iSuck will never crash or breakdown. However, best keep a paper clip handy in case of such an unlikely event.