Scientists Isolate Dickhead Gene!

Tuesday June 28, 2011
The Dickhead gene has been discovered.
Issac Jefferies in his lab
Dr Issac Jefferies in his lab with a beaker of dickhead type #974 goop

It's been a much debated subject: Nature or Nurture? Has our environment and life experiences made us what we are or were we born that way? Well today Dr Issac Jefferies Head of genetic research at Wilmore University has announced his discovery that at least one trait amongst humans and other animals is square in the nature camp.

"Our research took us down an unexpected path" said Jefferies."We were looking for genes associated with qualities that might benefit the organism in the short term, however were not beneficial to the species". Essentially selfish genes. The genes are part of the cluster known as the social paradox cluster because by virtue of being completely unattractive they should have died out long ago yet somehow they manage to pass themselves on and worm their way into successive generations despite being completely counter to survival of any group.

"What we found was one gene in particular that was common to all participants in the study who fudged the sign up form in some way." There was an error-checking process in place and all of the people with the dickhead gene had misrepresented themselves in some way for some gain, despite the scientific nature of the study.

Common traits of the dickhead include: blatant self promotion, over-inflated self worth, under estimating of other's value or role in any specific situation, failure to complete tasks on time despite assurances that they would, lack of in-depth understanding of any concept previously explained to them yet complete obliviousness to that lack of understanding, even when sat with non-dickheads for comparison."It's really quite amazing how a dickhead won't register as such even when presented with overwhelming evidence right in front of them!" Jefferies next hopes to find the douchebag gene which is similar o the dickhead gene but a little more aggressive. The findings could also lead to massive savings for some industries as procedures for dealing with dickheads change. Other industries such as insurance, financing and sales which have traditionally capitalised on the gene will now be able to test for the gene for a best fit."It's totally unethical of course, but what can you do? They are dickheads."

"It's certainly an interesting discovery, but like most studies we do it's something we already know isn't it?"