Scientific study reveals scientists say lots of things.

The Government have released a new report which has left the scientific community divided. The findings of the highly controversial report say ‘Scientists don’t always get it right,’ and that ‘They say all kinds of things don’t they.’

Neil Lambert of the University of Modern Science says, “Well hey, even that David Bellamy guys has got a few things to answer for, and not to mention that guy in the wheelchair with the spooky electronic voice box.” Lambert agrees with some of the report’s findings, but “Only to a point” he exclaims. “Whether it’s global warming, natural disasters, or forensic DNA, a lot of the time we are just taking a wild stab in the dark.” And that “Today, the scientific community are under much pressure to produce results rather than study the correct information mainly due to under funding, TV episode deadlines, or risk of generating ‘just another unpopular scientific view‘ on touchy subjects like stem cell research, human cloning or dietary supplements for example.”

THE EXPERTS
“Yes indeed, science isn’t what it used to be. Part of the reason is all the cool stuff has already been discovered, there’s just not a lot left to discover in the big old universe anymore. The fact is, making stuff up is easier and far more cost effective.”

THE CRITICS
Science and new technologies critic Bernie Winter says “The so called experts have got in wrong. There are still quite a few things left to discover, and I’m pretty sure of that.”

FUNDING CRISIS
The Government are making little comment on the issue blaming the problem on the ‘brain drain’. And it’s not prepared to throw more funding at the crisis, preferring to re-directing budgets for future election promotion programmes which will be “Far more beneficial for everyone in time.”

EDUCATION EXPERT
Jon Bon Parkie, educational professor says, “The youth of today have lost interest in future problem solving. Many people grow up wanting to be scientists are disillusioned when they enter the field. They all want to build exciting machines like Brains did for Thunderbirds, solving forensic crimes, or genetic engineering and the like. But most of the time science involves spending many hours in labs filling lots of test tubes with boring chemicals. Yes, lots and lots of test tubes. Unfortunately this results in many young scientists making up silly stories, often to sound more intelligent just to get laid on Fridays. The problem is, too often these stories are picked up by the media or taken out of context.”

CREATIONISTS
“Maybe it’s time for the scientific community to accept that science has had it’s day, The earth is indeed 5000 years old, what part of that do they not understand!”