Winston Peters unveils bold new look

Winston Peters has unveiled a new look with his not-so-new policies while presenting his campaign to the Waimate RSA. Taking inspiration from success overseas with similar messages, he implored his supporters to vote for him because he was a political outsider who can keep the establishment politicians honest and focused. “All Progress in the country has been slowed and blocked by the political establishment. But I’ve always fought against this political machine, because I am a man of the people”. He went on so suggest that long-serving politicians were the cause of many issues facing the country.

Among his policies were a promise to tighten up immigration and create jobs at the same time by building a great moat to prevent refugees from entering the country illegally. “We can’t sustain this influx of immigrants, we need to put New Zealanders first!” This was met with enthusiastic cheers from the audience. Other initiatives to put people back to work included opening the Waihi goldmine. “We’re going to bring back the jobs to provincial New Zealand.” he said the rapturous audience.

Media were relegated to a pen in the back of the room and referenced frequently as the source of biased concocted stories to the cheers of the audience. “Don’t believe what the mainsteam media say, they are a complete and utter sham!” he often repeated.

But it was his new look that really stole the show. Winston sported a new hair do that was more wispy and noticeably more blond-looking. Despite their relegation, Media fawned over the new look. Stuff-Me’s politics & lifestyle correspondent Janey Smith said “Winston is sporting a new hair style this election season, with lighter shades and lots of bounce and vitality!”

But when asked if his new hairstyle was real he sneered “you newspapers, are all the same, vitrolic and mean. There is nothing wrong with my hair.  I’ll have you know that I have a full head of hair.  It’s really very good for my age, in fact I think I have the best hair in Parliament, the most prime-ministeral hair possible.”.

Peter’s new campaign was met with applause, said retired office worker Lynn Logan, 83, “Winston will save us, this country is crumbling! I love his new look, it’s very dashing.” Fred Doogle 73, retired wood pulp worker said “Winston will keep them crook politicians straight, it’s good to have an outsider speaking for us”. Winston has been  politician of 39 years, who was first elected to Parliament in 1978.