New Zealander to help solve world's problems for US Whitehouse.

Friday August 18, 2017
A New Zealand man has been called upon by the highest echelons of the Whitehouse to solve the world's complex problems with his simple solutions.
Trevor Thompson visiting the facebook page of his new employer.

New Zealander Trevor Thompson has just been announced as one of United States President Donald Trump’s new advisors.  Thompson said he was somewhat surprised that he was selected as he is not an American citizen but officials say he came to the attention of Trump himself through his social media presence. 

Thompson, a fence builder by trade explained that he was an ardent follower of Steve Bannon and regular reader of The Washington Times and viewer of Fox News. From there he enjoyed sharing accumulated wisdom on local news sites comment sections. “I particularly enjoy the 1 News Facebook page and Stuff-Me” .

The Whitehouse through the NSA was able to find his wisdom through it’s head-hunting operations where under Trump’s advisement it scoured the entire web comment sections for pearls of wisdom from average people because “average people offer so much more because they aren’t smug like so-called experts” said an anonymous Whitehouse advisor.

“While of course it’s not standard operating procedure to hire non-US citizens since that is against Trump’s America First policy, Trump was impressed by Thompson’s solutions to complex situations, we decided that he would be an asset to us.” The source stated that there was a strong need to have every-day people give President simple and easy to understand advice which would be effective for his supporters. Thompson has offered simple, insightful solutions to some of the most pressing problems of our times, so we are happy to work with him”.

“I was able to sum up problems and describe that they were actually very simple. People always complicate things too much, and so they can’t ever do anything” said Thompson. The Whitehouse source confirmed the keyword search for the word simple at the end of every sentence consistently returning Thompson’s name marked him as a candidate. The Other News was able to exclusively get some samples of Thompson’s posts which have since been deleted from social media and marked as classified.

Some of Thompson’s solutions that gained the Whitehouse’s attention:

On the issue of sub-standard rental accommodation – “If you don’t like living in a cold rental – save up and buy your own house! Simple!”

On the minimum wage – “The minimum wage should absolutely not increase, if you want more money, get a better job - Simple!”

On the issue of child poverty – “If you can’t afford children, don’t have them - It’s simple!”.

It’s hoped that Thompson will be able to give Trump strategic advice on North Korea where Obama - according to Thompson - failed.

Thompson expanded on his take of the world: “Most problems are really very simple. Take me for example, when I was young, I didn’t moan about not being able to afford a house.  I put in long hours at my father’s firm and saved for a deposit.  My wife and I paid a mortgage for 10 years before her inheritance came through.  If we did it, so can these whingy young people.  Work hard and save, it’s simple!”. 

Thompson said he is looking forward to his new appointment and on moving to Florida, where world strategy HQ will be based. “I’m pleased that my simple solutions will be appreciated in the US.  President Trump understands that the answers to most problems are simple, we don’t need data, research, and waffley explanations – the answers are really simple!”.