Another Military Experiment Goes Horribly Wrong.

Tuesday July 1, 2008
A malfunctioning robot on the loose put a small town at risk.
Johnny 5, the malfunctioning robot that experts say could have destroyed on the world.

An historical break through in artificial intelligence was terminated this week following a short circuit malfunction with an experimental military prototype robot. Renee Horsley of Torsley finds out what went so terribly wrong, and could it happen again?
The US Military was forced to abort a top secret project involving advanced robots to take the place of soldiers on the field when one was struck by lightning in an uncanny electrical storm experts say was caused by global warming.
Reports were released this week saying the robot that the military referred to as “Number 5” refused to shoot anybody. “It’s utterly ridiculous that the insane amount of tax payers money we’ve sunk on these things, and they can be affected by a stupid lightning strike!” told NOVA head of security captain Ed Skroeder.
A major review of security operations is also underway after the robot then started to roam off site then through the local suburb of Intelville in Damon Washington where it is believed to have terrorised the good living God fearing town folk.

Number 5 was said to have been strapped with a high-powered experimental laser gun capable of destroying tanks from 900 yards. “They were incredibly lucky that that stupid robot had developed some kind of ‘ai’ value for life concept and decided that violence was not the answer, or the town would have been one big shrimp barbecue” said Skroeder.

The robot then ended up in the home of resident Ms Stephanie Speck in Oregon who at first thought she had discovered some kind of alien life form, and could sell it for millions. She said she showed the robot around her yard and house before it set eyes on her encyclopedia collection. “It read them at an incredible rate, threw each one over it’s shoulder and asked for ‘more input’ but I ran out of books so I put on a Neil Diamond LP, the Porn Channel on the TV, and went off to bed.”

To her disappointment it wasn’t until the next morning that Speck discovered that the robot actually belonged to the military after noticing the NOVA Robotics stamp. “I was pretty pissed off, their robot made a big arse mess of my apartment so I called them up to collect the crappy piece of junk.”

New NZ Govt. campaign re enforces that Robots are in fact evil and should be avoided and destroyed at all cost.

However the robot then became erratic and pleaded not to be disassembled and ran off. After an expensive robot hunt, the Military say they destroyed the out of control robot. “We’re going back to the drawing board on this one, we can’t have intelligent robots that respect life in the military, they’re no good to us at all.”

The military have since apologised to the 14 families whose homes were destroyed in the disposal of the robot. Captain Skroeder told in a press conference today, “Yeah sorry ‘bout that.”

Jeanette Fitzsimons of the NZ Green Party told TheOtherNews “This is just the kind of thing we need to avoid to keep the world safe for the future of our planet.
We must un-invent all unstable and unsustainable technology that cannot be trusted, it’s wrong. Bring back the long drop and organic Feijoa wine I say!”